How To Be Cool (According to Science)
… Or at least *cooler.* Let’s make a summer project out of it!
Anyone else still on a comedown after the Fourth of July? I had the best weekend with a bi-coastal crew of some of my favorite people. This week I am on the move between LA, Seattle and Idaho, but will have all that Newport Beach sunshine on my mind for quite some time.
When I was flying West last week, I came something that got me thinking… And writing. This post is a bit out of the norm, but go with me here!
A recent article in The New York Times dove into a study that found no matter where you live, your age, income or education, there are specific qualities that we all believe make someone cool.
The 6 Qualities of Cool:
Extroverted
Hedonistic
Powerful
Adventurous
Open
Autonomous
Interestingly, there are a lot of traits that overlap between the characteristics of people perceived to be “cool” and people who are perceived to be “good.” This quote sums it up:
While the cool and good people had overlapping traits, compared with their cool counterparts, good people were perceived as more conforming, traditional, secure, warm, agreeable, universalistic (the extent to which a person sees everyone and everything as being equal or equally worthy of care and respect), conscientious and calm. [ …] Those who were perceived as capable were equally considered cool and good.
After reading that, I thought to myself, ah well, I am definitely more good than cool. And that’s okay! But…
Would it be a fun summer project to inject a little more cool into our lives?
I’m not talking about buying a new wardrobe or taking up smoking (although cigarettes are really kind of back). You don’t need to stay out all hours or break up with your steady boyfriend or move to the Lower East Side.
I’m percolating on a theory that we can all be a little bit cooler, and do it mostly for free. Using these six key traits, I’ve outlined a little plan for all of us to have a cruel cool summer.
How to Be More Extroverted & Hedonistic: Host A Dinner Party
There’s nothing more fun than a dinner party with six to eight people. It’s just the right amount of guests to encourage lovely one-on-one chats during cocktail hour and lively debates over apps and entrees.
A party at home inherently invites a bit of hedonism: the drinks are “free,” but also free-flowing. If I had a dollar for every time a martini and a handful of marcona almonds turned into an entire bottle of red wine per guest and dancing to a Spotify playlist until 2 am… I’d be writing you this newsletter from a villa in France.
I know extroverted behavior doesn’t come easily to all, which is why I think hosting at home is a great idea to ease yourself in. It’s your environment, and you control the vibe… And the guest list!
Want to make it really spicy? Invite three people, and ask each of them to invite someone else that probably doesn’t know the other guests well. Conversation will be stimulating, sparks could fly, you never know!
Extra Credit (teaser): I’m working on a post that goes into all the elements that I think make for a great dinner party, including some fun recipes, playlists, hosting tips, etc!
How to Be More Powerful: Obtain Interesting Information by Watching, Reading and Listening More
The old adage is true, guys: knowledge is power. And being informed about the world is—actually—really cool. All the most interesting and cool people I know consume a wildly varied diet of books, podcasts, newsletters, articles and yes, social media.
Not only does information power your own brain, helping you form judgements about what’s happening to and around you, but it also makes you a much more engaging and intriguing person to socialize or work with.
Watch Love Island USA. Read The Wall Street Journal’s Off Duty section. Listen to Fresh Air and The Rest is History. Just remember to mix it up… And then bring it up.
How to Be More Adventurous: Do Something Alone
I don’t think being adventurous has to include doing something extreme or scary or physically challenging. I think oftentimes, adventure is a state of mind! And for many of us, who are so used to being in constant contact with our friends, or constantly scrolling, being comfortably alone—but not at home—can feel like the last frontier.
I challenge you to do something solo this summer. Personally, I will surely be taking the ferry to Rockaway Beach for a quiet day of sunning and swimming with a book!
Maybe it’s an art class. Maybe it’s a staycation at a great hotel in your city or town. Maybe it’s a roadtrip to visit friends or family. Or truly, go take yourself out to dinner! Sit at the bar, wear something that makes you feel sexy, and try not to be on your phone.
The world can feel like it is made for couples, pairs and families, but that’s bullshit! It is a great luxury to truly enjoy time out in the world with yourself for company. Take advantage!
How to Be More Open: Practice Hearing With Your Heart
“Open” can mean so many things, can’t it. On Love Island, for example, it means you’re still single and down to flirt. (Sorry, I’m really too obsessed at the moment and watching both UK and USA seasons at the same time…)
But generally, I think being open is about being open-minded, right? And I find that it’s virtually impossible to open your mind to anything if your mouth is open at the same time… You get what I’m saying?
Openness really comes from genuinely hearing what someone is saying to you, and activating your heart while doing so.
From politics to relationships, money, family, faith… It can be so hard to hear things we don’t agree with. Of course it is! But I think it’s never a bad time to be reminded that everyone has a complicated interior life, and everyone wants to be understood.
We don’t all have to agree, but any time we can hear someone out entirely, digest what we’ve heard, and then reply—that’s an open mind.
No guarantees you will always get the same back (not everyone can be as open as you, dear newsletter reader), but you’ll put your head to the pillow at night knowing you’re putting empathetic energy out into the world.
How to Be More Autonomous: Work on Your Financial Literacy
Independence can look different to different people—but to me, being financially empowered is key to living a life that is truly your own. This is something you can do whether you’re single or partnered and at any age.
I decided at the beginning of this year to really take charge of my finances, and it has made me feel so much more confident. I don’t have it all figured out, but I see how it works, and what it would take to achieve my goals.
I started by becoming a voracious reader of NerdWallet, and have used ChatGPT as well. Both have made me feel so much more financially literate. From creating a credit card debt plan and consolidating my 401(k) accounts to understanding high yield savings accounts—it all feels a bit less scary.
What makes you feel funny about money? I encourage you to face your fears and ask ChatGPT all your dumb questions!
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That’s it for this week! Leave a comment naming the coolest person you can think of, or give this post a heart if you enjoyed it—it helps me grow this little project!